After living long and happy lives and doing no less than all of the interesting things we wanted to do, my husband and I had a baby. Because having long lives and doing interesting things had been profoundly exhausting, we came to the conclusion that we were too tired to make another decision ever again, so we did what many people in our situation do. We moved from our loft in San Francisco to a Progressive Suburb Bordered on One Side By A Large Metropolitan Area and on the Other by Farms That Grow Locally Sourced Produce. For brevity, I will refer to this as PSBOSBALMA, or Marin County.

Several thousand feet above, superheroes and secret agents were fighting with Norse gods aboard an invisible flying aircraft carrier, an epic battle for the fate of humanity, but for the 2,000 cruise ship passengers far below, it was just a gray thumbnail-sized smudge in the sky.

A glossy black car speeds quickly down Highway 24, southwest of Boston.  In the front passenger seat, a man dressed like Batman curses at a driver dressed like Robin.  Large pink letters painted across both sides of the car read, “Hanky’s Panky Entertainment Services” and below that, “Heros for Parties: 59 Bucks,” and then inred caps, “Boston’s Best in Balloons!” 

He's holding up a pad and pen on which he's written, “I miss you.” He's flying alongside the space shuttle, matching its seventeen thousand miles per hour as it orbits Earth like a singular, misplaced electron, his cape motionless in the void of space, a little adorable half-smile on his face.

For the Love of Ivy

(Poison Ivy Leaves a Note for Batman in the Wake of Another Apocalypse Attempt)

You can see, can’t you, the appeal of such a world – lush with growth,

Gamma Ray Exposure 

Actual Result:  Headache, shortness of breath, stiffness in joints, liver damage, loose stool, impotence. 

Comic Book Result:  increased size and strength, greenish hue to skin 

When the bookmobile lady drives down your street

consider her to be behind the controls of an invisible plane.

Sharpen your sight and shout Shazamm!